(via idiosyncraticsaint)

Procrastination

Dang bruh I swear she is slow… she made a bad fucking decision with the wrong fucking person… damn I just want to spend the rest of my senior year happy so I want to be single… you can fuck, kiss ir flirt with whoever you want or you can not and wait till I feel better… Nope you chose to not wait so now go on with your life I will go on with mines… im tired of your boulshit and I told you to leave that mother fucker alone… no you didn’t you chose him over me now your fucking alone and complain to me about I can’t handle this well to fucking bad is all I got to say… there are consequences for your stupid ignorant actions… you say you don’t like ignorance well you are ignorant… so bye your alone now unless you decide to wait…

The moon it is a symbol of me and her and us renewing we our back and I am as happy as I can be we had the greatest day together even though I acted as a jerk at the beginning…we fought it out and figured out like a couple… I showed her finally. We watched tv, kissed and spent a whole day together it was just perfect and I hope it be like this forever but anyway the moon was a sight to see especially to make up underneath in our spot “the treehouse” it was the best part to me. Sweetness,happiness and greatness successful today :)

I am sitting in my room she sitting on my bed… think she mad because I told her how I feel… I mean dang why can’t I tell her how I feel is there something wrong with that… I feel as if she wants to be closer to him than me… I do not know how to pull her I axle down to me but she is floating away rapidly because I don’t like her sharing her love… she tells me everytime I tell her to leave him alone and stop loving him she tells me “what would you do if I told you to stop loving me”… I say I wouldn’t she say exactly… but quite frankly if you would have just listened to me and left him alone you wouldn’t be loving him and me right now if you gave just listen but maybe it is true if you tell someone not to do it they will want to do it more… she just said sorry I do not know what to do I don’t want to accept the apology right now because I don’t know if it will happen I want him to be gone from her life and mine but she wont do that I know gosh what do I have to do to get this girl god I love her with everything I can love with I do stuff for her no man would do I give her happiness when im not mad… but man can I get something from her some sign something please because I don’t want this to end… she the only one for me and I hope she knows that…

I feel like im putting all the effort out and getting nothing in return.
..it sucks feel like I am losing her… she told me “we not together so I don’t have to do that much” … well that sucks I do think… so what now I really think I should know if she wants to get back or not… if she doesn’t my heart would be broken… and if she does I wish she would give a little effort or her to show me she does want me… well this sucks im stuck here putting everything on the line to get her back… what happens if I don’t get her back it will probably the worst thing I wish she could trust me and we could just fix these damn problems so we can be together…. dang god can you help me on this one I really want her back….

Feel like I took one step closer when I saw her today but now I feel fifteen steps backwards… how the heck did I get back here… ih yea bc of the way I love I mean dang why the heck can’t we love eachother… no the love is split between two people so I don’t understand…. if I am going to show you all these things than don’t get mad because I don’t want your split love… I want your whole love… I don’t want it to be shared… so yea I say it mean that you split your love because quite frankly it is and you do it with the worst person of all so yea its mean Idc if she thinks its not… love is a powerful thing and shouldn’t be able to split that easily….

I saw her today it was good to see her face but really wanted a smile… she put the faith of our relationship in my hands today I know when I will be ready now just have to find out when she is ready… it will be difficult im up for the challenge though… ugh today was tuff surprised I didn’t really shut down today I hope she noticed too… where to go from now I think I will talk to her when I get home… I wonder what she thinks of my out of the heart gift I gave her… I hopes she’s enjoys it but I will have to talk to her later hope we cab get through this rough time… I should never get mad at her she great the way she is… well time for dq then back to the tree house to talk to her… I feel like I got a little closer to her heart today but Idk…

thesleepscience:

Things don’t always seem how they appear. Sometimes what seems to be the end is really just a new beginning. Like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. So stop being sad and smile. That problem you are going through right now will go away real soon. I promise.

Your friend,

B

I think this is how I should feel

Up in my tree house just thinking about her… I think I will chase maybe that will show a little bit of what she means and get me started back up again… im not going to chase to soon because I need the most time to think… ugh I just want her here is to be all happy like we were the last two weeks but things are bad to both of us so that wont happen… I see her every where I look there’s no escaping her… I wonder if its the same for her well oh how I wish I knew if she reads my post….

Dang I can’t give her the stuff I really need to give her

Thinking to myself now I didn’t want to force her to stay felt like since she promised to stay I forced her to stay I don’t understand if she thought things were bad she could’ve left… well she did leave because they were bad… guess it was both our faults for making it that way I wish that I wouldn’t have done the things I did and the things she did I care about her, love her, miss her and think about her more than anything right now… I should have made things right last night but I dislike what she says and how she thinks… I wish that she didn’t think…. I can’t even say how she think it is so complex… I know I should make things right but I know they wont because she will not believe a word I say when it comes to me saying that I will do something… but she earned the right to think that… she think she has lost me she doesn’t understand she is the only girl that will ever have my heart… I wonder if I took care of hers because I sure don’t feel like I did… well darn may’ve if I can show her I can the things will go good I have to show her my word is good so she can trust me… I think I can trust her on her word like she trust me not to cheat but she can’t trust me on my word just like I don’t trust her to cheat maybe I should work on this but honest to god it would just have to be me and her but I will fight for her no matter what I hope she will fight for me too… I really want I just want to hold her and tell that everything will be ok but her mindset has to change she thinks so negative because of what ignorant people say and stupid ass statistics… it’s like damn girl just let me be me I know im a good boyfriend and I know I can care for you like no other I more mature then these young kids out looking for just sex… im looking for the real thin a reckless love a love that wont stop til I get enough kind of love… im not tryna play games or anything… I got to go now well just know that you haven’t lost me im still here and I know you are reading

I already know she not gonna give me a break from this I really just want her she is the only one for me I don’t care what anyone says if she says she’s not I will just have to make her believe she probably wont believe at first though bc I only do the things I say for a little bit and stop… I just have to try my hardest and stay focused during both our time of needs I wish last night wouldn’t had gone down the way it did I just wanted to feel appreciated for what I did… but I didn’t I just got upset and put it all on her never again will it happen… not sure if I should say that but sure hope never again it will happen I just want to be happy and if she not around then nothing is happy my day goes on all gloomy and dark but when she appears in my mind I see a glimpse of sunlight the way our lives should be… I want her back now but I have to come up with a solution… ugh a solution it so hard to find a solution… Idk it just is probably cus I don’t want to say something or promise her something and not show up in future I want a real solution I want to stop being mad at her and her mad at me but how? What is there for me to do? I think I should show ip on what I say but she wont believe if I just say that I need more I need action but how do I do it? Is it possible? Well Idk I need more time to think ugh….

Gosh I don’t the things I need yo do in order to keep my girlfriend guess I deserve that I mean I feel like I do but I don’t and it sucks

I guess statistics are always right I hate fucking statistics